Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
