I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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