dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
