"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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