If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
