you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
