# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
