Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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