Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
