Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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