I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You may now shotgun with the bride
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize