im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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