this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
