omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
