drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
