Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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