dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Say something about gay babies.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
