i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
