Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
