So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
