Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
