How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My ass is underappreciated
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
