Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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