I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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