hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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