At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please don't give away my fajitas
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
