Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
