Ambien. No doubt about it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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