He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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