Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
