I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
