i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
