We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
