that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
