ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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