I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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