its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
