just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
