i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
