C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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