and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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