Jerry, you need to find god
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
