She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
