i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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