Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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