peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
