I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
