This is not my ceiling
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
