I looked at my own cervix.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
