My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
