Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
