Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
