I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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