I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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