His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
