my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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