Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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