I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
