I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
