yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
