It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
